


Back Up Plans

by KalicoFox



Series: The Adventure Zone Oneshots [6]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Hostage Taking, Murder, Protectiveness, almost a kidnapping, you don't fucking touch Taako's boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalicoFox/pseuds/KalicoFox
Summary: Taako is not okay with someone deciding to take Angus hostage. Angus is not okay with Taako taking his place. Magnus is angry that the situation exists, and Merle wants to kicksomebody'sass.Kravitz just wishes he had caught up with this particular bounty sooner.





	Back Up Plans

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



“So what are we doing?” Angus asked, taking a few steps ahead of the group so that he could spin around and walk backwards, watching Taako, Magnus, and Merle curiously as they headed deeper into one of the many forests near Neverwinter.

“I told you already,” Merle growled, rolling his eyes, “I gotta spend some time out in the wilds or Pan gets pissed.”

“I want some more wood for carving.” Magnus shrugged, hefting Railsplitter to a slightly more comfortable position on his shoulder.

Taako just shrugged. “It’s not like I had anything better to do,” he said simply, “we can do magic lessons just as well out here as in the cafeteria.”  
He paused for a moment, finger tapping idly at his lower lip. “Actually, with how much Lucretia’s been bitching at me about structural damage, probably better. Wanna learn Magic Missile today?”

Angus gaped at him, then grinned broadly and spun back around to bounce a little ways down the road. “Do I ever!”

“Just make sure you keep that shit well clear of me,” Merle warned, narrowing his eyes warningly at the elven wizard, who waved him off.

“Don’t worry about it. I doubt he’ll get it right off the bat.”

Angus’ face fell, but the next moment he was distracted as Magnus squinted further down the road. 

“Hey, there’s someone coming!”

“So?”

“So whoever it is is running really fast…”

Taako’s gaze sharpened and the umbrastaff swirled through the air once, then twice as he limbered up his wrists. “Can you see what they’re running from?”

Magnus shrugged, shifting his grip on his axe. “Not yet.”

Merle faded over to one side, just off the road and seemingly ready to either hide, or cast, depending on what the situation called for.

“Angus,” Taako called quietly, “get off the road.”

“Yessir.”  
Angus scrambled for cover and Taako strode forward to stand casually in front of the bush his pupil ended up in, his face schooled to casual interest just as the runner panted up to them.

“Hail and well met!” Magnus called cheerily, lifting his hand in greeting.

“Help,” the man panted, glancing wildly back down the road, “you gotta help me, there’s a maniac with a scythe trying to kill me!”

“Oh wow,” Taako said, his eyebrows shooting up, “that sounds serious my dude!”

“It is!” the man agreed, darting more worried looks back the way he’d come.

“Why’s someone trying to kill you?” Magnus asked, settling himself a little more firmly in the road and following his gaze down the road.

“I don’t know!” He yelped, “He just showed up! In my house! And started waving around a scythe, so I booked it outta there!”

Taako nodded sagely, “Sound strategy. It’s always a good idea to find out why someone is trying to kill you.”

Something flickered at the corner of his vision, and Taako whipped around just in time to see someone tall, thin, and swathed in an enormous cloak, step out of a rip in thin air.

“Kravitz!?” 

It wasn’t a yelp, but it wasn’t far off, and the figure paused.  
One hand, growing flesh as it went, reached up and pushed back the hood of the cloak back to reveal the dark skin and dreadlocks of the grim reaper.

“Taako? What are you doing here?” The cockney accent was enough to make Taako grin, remembering what Kravitz had said about a ‘work voice’, and he relaxed, planting the tip of his umbrastaff on the ground and leaning on it.

“Not much, my dude.” he said casually, “Just heading out for some forest related fun. You?”

“Chasing a bounty,” Kravitz said, nodding at the rapidly paling man, “so Magnus, if you’d be so kind as to-”

“Oh fuck this!” the man snarled, and lunged for Taako.

It barely took a half step and a twist to get out of the way, but as soon as he dodged Taako’s blood turned to ice and he whirled, trying to intercept.

It was too late.

The man was straightening up, one of Angus’s thin wrists clasped in his fist as the other hand fumbled a knife out of his belt. Angus struggled, trying to kick the larger human in the shins and clawing at the hand around his wrist, but it was useless.

“Right.” the man said, obviously forcing himself calm as he dragged Angus close enough that he could put the knife at his throat. “not quite what I was hoping for, but you’ll have to do.”

“Angus!” Mangus yelped, and took half a step forward before freezing, his face agonized as the knife pressed harder against Angus’s throat.

“None of that,” the man rasped, meeting each of their eyes in turn. “all of you are gonna listen to me and do exactly what I say if you want the kid to live.”  
He glanced down consideringly, then half shrugged, “not sure why you’d want that, but eh, whatever floats your boat. Now. You. Guy in the bushes. Come out on the road.”

For a moment, nothing happened, then Merle crashed through the brush, his face thunderous as his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides.

“Now, all of you are gonna put your weapons down, niiice and slow.”

For a moment, every single one of them hesitated, each desperately trying to think of some way they could get at the man without hurting Angus in the process.

It wasn’t until Taako’s umbrastaff clattered to the ground that Merle followed suit with his warhammer, and Magnus reluctantly laid Railsplitter down.

Kravitz held out a moment longer, but bared teeth and a tiny trickle of blood from where the knife had started to cut Angus made him toss his scythe to the ground in a hurry, his humanity starting to flicker with his anger.

“Now, Reaper,” the man snapped, “leave. Get lost.”

Golden eyes darted in Taako’s direction and met another pair, equally as gold, then Kravitz growled, a low bestial noise, and reached out, tearing a hole in space that sealed the instant he stepped through it.

 

“So.” Taako drawled, a thread of icy rage tracing through his casual tone, “Who the hell are you, anyway?”

“I am Sebastian Brunswick!” The man said proudly, “And soon, I will be the Lord of these surrounding lands!”

Taako nodded easily, fixing Magnus with a glare when the fighter looked like he was going to try to sneak up on Sebastian from behind. “Cool, cool. So how’s it working out for you? I hear there’s good money in Lording.”

“Of course there is!” Sebastion snapped, “And it’s going fine, or at least it was, before that blasted Reaper had to come along and ruin all of my preparations.”

Taako nodded again, pursing his lips thoughtfully. “I don’t suppose those preparations have anything to do with necromancy?” he asked and stiffened when Angus yelped as Sebastian dug the knife in a little harder.

“How did you know?” He demanded, “Who told you??”

“Nobody, my man!” Taako exclaimed, and forced a friendly smile onto his face. “Nah, I’m a wizard too. Had a bit of a run in with that same Reaper a few months ago, and I’ve been looking for something that might get rid of him so I can get back to doing my own thing in peace.”

Sebastian’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, and Taako did his best to look like a harmless necromancer. 

It must have worked, because Sebastian didn’t call bullshit, instead just drawing himself up the best he could and sniffing derisively.   
“I’m not a wizard, I’m a warlock.”

“My bad.” Taako grinned sheepishly, then paused. “Hey, random thought. You’re wanting to get away, right?” 

“ _Obviously,_ ” Sebastian replied, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

“Right, right.” Taako continued airily, “But like, you’ve got the kid, and well, it’s not like he’s a really athletic kid, y'know? Plus he’s got those short, stubby legs. Honestly, he’s probably gonna slow you down a whole hell of a lot.”

Merle shifted, his hands half raising before Magnus nudged him hard in the shoulder with his fist, his eyes fixed on Taako and Sebastian, waiting for something, anything that would give him the opening he desperately wanted.  
Taako, meanwhile, took a careful, casual step forward, still keeping his hands in plain sight.

“But me,” he said, “I’m a wizard. I can summon you a mount, and if you take me with you, I can help you out with your little project, y'know? I mean, I don’t know about you, but I could always use that little bit of extra power when I’m working on those big, long term projects.”

He took another step, freezing when Sebastian tensed and Angus whimpered. 

“And what’s to stop you from blasting me the second I let go of the kid?"  Sebastian demanded, and Taako shrugged.

"Well I don’t have my wand,” he offered, and Sebastian scoffed. “No really!” Taako said, “The kid has it. I was gonna teach him a couple of parlor tricks. It’s on a lanyard around his neck.”

For a moment, Sebastian just glared suspiciously at Taako, then he dropped his gaze and, using his knife hand, pulled the lanyard out from under Angus’s shirt.

Magnus tensed, ready to tackle the necromancer, but a sharp look from Taako made him still, gritting his teeth as Sebastian roughly pulled the lanyard over Angus’s head and, one handed, snapped the wand in half.

“No magic.” Sebastian declared. “Not until we’re well out of the way. You’ll come with me if I leave the kid here? No trouble?”

“No trouble,” Taako agreed peaceably, “Hell, I’ll even let you tie me up, if that’ll help.”

For a moment Sebastian just looked at him, his face inscrutable.

“Please don’t, sir.” Angus whispered, his voice barely audible. 

Sebastian’s grip on his arm tightened, and Angus yelped, falling silent as Taako’s face blanked.

“Angus, shut the hell up. This doesn’t fuckin’ concern you, you got me?” He turned his attention back to Sebastian. “It’s a decent deal,” he said, and now his tone was brisk. Businesslike. “You get rid of some useless deadweight, and you get someone who can not only keep up, but who can help you out.”

One more step took him within arm’s reach, and for a moment Sebastian wavered, then, in a flurry of movement, he flung Angus toward Magnus and whirled on Taako, grabbing his throat in a white knuckled hand and dragging him closer.

“Deal.” He hissed.

“Mister Taaco!” Angus wailed, struggling futilely against Magnus’s hold on him as Taako’s lips tipped up in a crooked smile.

“Wait, kid.” Merle muttered, grabbing Angus’s shoulder and shaking him roughly, “Shut up and wait.”

The three of them watched, tense and silent as Sebastian, his grip tight around Taako’s throat, retreated into the forest, ducking around tree after tree, and only after they’re completely out of sight did Magnus and Merle release Angus.

 

Taako waited until he couldn’t hear Angus’s wailing any more, then he jerked to a halt, forcing Sebastian to pause and turn to look at him.

“What?” he demanded, and Taako smiled.  
It wasn’t a nice smile.

“You fucked up.” He croaked. 

Sebastian had been cutting off most of his air, but if there was one thing Taako’s good at, it’s pissing people off with as few words as possible. This situation was just another chance for him to prove it.

Sebastian’s eyes widened, then narrowed. “What?”

“You. Fucked. Up.” Taako rasped again, and choked when Sebastian’s fingers tightened around his windpipe.

“And how,” he demanded, “did I fuck up? As far as I can tell, I’m in the fucking clear.” 

He punctuated his sentences by shaking Taako around, and Taako bared his teeth in what could only charitably be called a grin.

Black spots were starting to dance in his vision. He had to finish this fast.

“You.” he choked out, and Sebastian paused, loosening his hold just enough for Taako to get a little more air. “ _You touched my kid_.” 

And Taako _moved_ , fast as a striking snake and twice as vicious despite the lack of oxygen making his head swim.

Sebastian’s fingers seized around Taako’s throat, then fell away as he clutched at his own, and blood poured from between the man’s fingers as he tried to hold together the ruins of his throat.

Taako gasped for air. Straightened. Stared into the wide, horrified eyes of the necromancer.

He said nothing as the blood on his hand cooled and turned tacky, and he didn’t look away until a soft sound, almost like paper being torn a room or two away, reached his ears.

“I wasn’t expecting that.” Kravitz admitted, looking down at the dead man laying in a pool of his own blood in the leaf litter.

“Yeah, well.” Taako rasped, his voice as harsh as a raven’s, “Asshole had it coming.”

“That he did.” Kravitz agreed, and stooped, gathering something small and bright and intangible out of the corpse. “Sorry for all the trouble.”

Taako waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. If you really wanna pay me back you can stop by later and give me a massage or something.”

Kravitz huffed a soft laugh and reached out.“I think that could be arranged.” He agreed over the sound of a portal tearing into existence, and a moment later, Taako was alone.

 

It wasn’t hard to backtrack the way they’d come; Sebastian hadn’t been trying to hide their trail, but Taako kept having to stop for breath, coughing and gasping through his abused throat until he could breath properly again, and it took him longer than he would have liked to get back to where Magnus, Merle, and Angus were arguing over whether they should have gone after him or not.

“Mister Taaco!”

Angus spotted him first, and it was only when his eyes got wide and the blood drained from his face that Taako realized that he’d forgotten his own state.  
That is, he’d forgotten that he was absolutely covered in blood.

“Fuck, sorry.” he rasped, and glanced around, looking for where he’d dropped the umbrastaff.

There wasn’t enough Prestidigitation in the world to get all the blood out of his clothes, but he’d at least be able to get it off of his face and hands, and maybe then Angus would stop looking like he was about to keel over.

“Taako, are you all right?” Magnus’s voice was as serious as it ever got, and Taako nodded, swooping up the umbrella and promptly proving himself a liar when he wobbled and nearly fell over.

A large hand, warm and firm steadied him, and Taako took the support for a moment, then glared at Magnus.

“I’m fine.” Forcing the words out of his abused throat made him want to cough, but he ruthlessly supressed the urge. “None of this is mine. Asshole’s dead. I’m heading back.”

Magnus glanced over at Merle, who rolled his eyes, then nodded and vanished back the way Taako had come, grumbling under his breath.

“We called for a bubble once you were out of sight,” Magnus told him, “It should be here soon. We were just going to send Angus back while we went to look for you, but I think I’m done for the day too.”

Taako smiled crookedly, then glanced sideways at Angus.

“You good, Agnes?” he croaked, and to his absolute horror tears started pouring down Angus’s cheeks.

“Angus? Angus what’s wrong? Are you hurt anywhere?” Magnus’s voice was a hair away from panicked, and Taako snapped off a series of spells that scoured the blood from his face and hands then reached for the crying boy.

“No sirs,” Angus managed, “I’m okay, I promise.” He sniffled, taking a deep breath as Taako tilted his chin up so that he could look at the thin cut, then let it out slowly.

It turned into a sob halfway out, and Taako froze when thin arms were flung around his neck.

“I was so _scared_ ,” Angus wailed, clinging to him despite the blood soaking his shirt, “I thought that he was going to kill you, or that we wouldn’t find you and then we’d never see you again, and Mister Taaco you have to promise that you’ll never do that again because that was the worst thing that has ever happened and I’ve been taken hostage _a lot_.”

Cautiously, Taako patted Angus on the back, trying to keep from getting the kid any more filthy than he already was, and looking helplessly at Magnus for backup.

Magnus, however, was no help at all, grinning sheepishly at Taako as he raised his hands and took a couple of steps backwards.

All Taako could do was shift a little, crouching so that Angus didn’t have to stretch as far and making soothing noises as the ten year old sobbed into his neck.

In the end, it was Merle who saved him, crashing back through the undergrowth and back onto the road, and rolling his eyes when he saw the barely contained panic on Taako’s face.

“All right Dangus.” He growled, stomping over to them and prying Angus away from Taako, “That’s enough. You’re making a fucking mess, and the bubble’s already here, so let’s go.”

For a moment it looked like Angus was going to attach himself to Merle, whose scowl deepened. “Magnus, look after the brat, will you?”

He spun Angus toward Magnus, who caught him, and, after a brief moment of uncertainty, scooped him up in one arm.

Sure enough, the bubble was waiting for them a little ways down the road, and by the time they were halfway back to the base, Angus’s tears had all but dried up and he was drowsing against Magnus’s shoulder.

“I found the body.” Merle said quietly, “How’d you do it?”

Taako flinched, then sighed, glancing at Angus before turning his attention back to the dwarf and flicking his fingers in an odd pattern.

A subdued light gleamed at his fingertips for a moment, then vanished, and Taako started chipping away at the nail polish on one hand. Flecks of blue varnish fell to the floor, revealing a metalic shine underneath that Taako silently held out for Merle to inspect.

“Metal? You transmuted your nails?”

“Yeah,” Taako said quietly, “it’s a trick I picked up a while back when I was messing around with self transmutation. They get hella sharp, so I figured it was a good trick to have, just in case.”

Merle nodded slowly, releasing Taako’s hand and leaning back in contemplative silence. “That was good work.” he finally said, “I made sure that nobody would find him. The plants in the area were happy for the meal.”

Taako smiled wryly, “Ba-da-da-Da-da?”

Merle snorted. “Yeah, they’re lovin’ it.”

 

The rest of the trip back was spent in silence, and although Avi took one look at them and opened his mouth to demand to know what the hell had happened, a single quelling glance from Magnus was all it took for him to shut his mouth with a sharp snap. 

The four of them were lucky. They didn’t run into anyone they knew well on the way down to their apartment, which meant that they had no qualms at all in glaring daggers at anyone who so much as looked like they wanted to ask what had happened. Not that many people did. Apparently being covered in blood and looking like you would cheerfully murder the next person to look at you wrong did a lot to convince people to leave you alone.

They made it to their apartment in almost record time, and as soon as the door was shut behind them, Taako bee-lined for the shower.

He stayed in the hot water until the steam was so thick he almost couldn’t breathe, and didn’t bother to get dressed when he got out. Instead, he dried off and wrapped himself in the nicest bathrobe he owned, then padded back out to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of wine, and popped the cork.

One by one the others showered and changed, then migrated out to the living room, and Taako ended up sandwiched between Magnus and the arm of the couch, with Angus sprawled out across their laps under a thick, fluffy blanket.

“He’s already out?” Magnus asked, peering over at Angus’s face, and Taako nodded.

“Yeah. Boychik’s had a shit day. I’m not surprised he passed out as soon as he was clean.”

“Yeah.” Magnus’s voice was soft, and Taako studiously didn’t look at him, taking another slug from the bottle of wine, then offering it over to Magnus, who pulled deeply from it, then offered it to Merle.

For a while the three of them passed the bottle around, not talking, just sitting there, each lost in their own thoughts.

“You promised you’d never do that again.” Merle said eventually, peering over at Taako from beneath bushy eyebrows.

Taako sneered at him, raising one of his own as he took another pull from the bottle.

“I lied.”

Something oddly satisfied flashed across Merle’s face, there and gone too quickly for Taako to identify.

“I know.”


End file.
